By April Braswell, Dating Expert and Online Dating Coach
The current Jennifer Lopez Sex Tape Scandal which has the world abuzz provides a tremendous lesson for both dating singles and married couples.
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The sex tape scandal involves Lopez’s honeymoon antics with her first husband, Ojani Nao. Jennifer Lopez has been married 3 times and is presently married to Marc Anthony with whom she has fraternal twin children.
Marriages may come and go, your divorced spouse is forever.
For singles, remember that the person you are dating now, in evolutionary thinking, will be in the community tribe in your area after you break up should you not marry each other. Whatever you say, whatever you do, every photo you take together, will live on in memory and with all of the wonderful electronics toys out there, might have been captured and recorded for posterity. And others in your tribe could hear about it on some level.
Men are highly visually stimulated and are often requesting to photograph or video record intimate moments and intimate moments with their partners. Just know that if you agree, that image is digitally captured and stored on your smart phone or computer. And also know that when it is transferred from mobile device to computer, it goes over the internet. Those images are at risk for being hacked, captured and shared. This can come back to bite you either socially within your community. It could end up in adult oriented groups at MySpace. It could go up on Twitter or someone’s page at Facebook.
For marrieds, you may be darlingly romantically in-love with your spouse or life partner now. However, divorce does end close to 50% of marriages, which does not even include tracking the ending of life partner non-marriage relationships. Many relationships over the years do indeed end. Some amicably and some not so amicably.
Your ex-wife or ex-husband will be your former spouse for the rest of your life. You will have that relationship for many years to come. Be careful.
Protecting Your Children: While talking about intimate topics is something every parent wants to do with their children, having that conversation should be well thought out and planned.
Prenuptial Agreement: If you two agreed to the photo taking and video recording of any of your intimate moments, just remember, these will all be part of the separation and divorce agreement. You might want to include this as a topic in your prenuptial agreement early on while you are feeling amicable and adult in your communications. Least you think, “Oh that could never happen to me, we’re in love,” just remember people do stupid and foolish things while aroused with jealousy or anger which they would not do while behaving rationally and more emotionally calm.
Do be careful, and most of all, protect yourself.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Las Vegas Baby Boomer Dating Expert
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Friday, November 13, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Dating Expert Tips on Phone Etiquette for Online Dating
Dating Expert Tips on Phone Etiquette for Online Dating
by April Braswell, Dating and Relationship Expert
All the Etiquette books out there, I think of wonderful experts like Emily Post and Miss Manners, provide tips, guidelines, and suggestions about how to engage with people socially.
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One topic for etiquette for Dating is: Phone Etiquette for Online Dating
What are the phone rules and guidelines to use when you are contacting someone you have just “met” via an online dating site? When your prospective date gives you their phone number, are there some common courtesy and social etiquette guidelines which singles should keep in mind? And what about texting? Maybe you don’t phone after a certain hour of night, however, it’s just a text message, right?
I have observed that this is something which in particular the Millenials my not yet even know about. And some of the GenY and GenX folks are ok about, but generally weak. I never hear complaints or comments about this from the Baby Boomers, so it seems the Boomer Generation got inculcated on Phone Etiquette guidelines, certainly in relation to work and their career. So they are already strong in this.
How Late Is Too Late to Phone a New Contact You Met Online?
As a general guideline, don’t phone someone you do not know very well after 9 pm. That is the super safe, gracious, well-mannered guideline. However, we are all so very busy these days. Perhaps you wanted to phone your new contact you met online at the end of your day when you are relaxed, not frazzled and about to do 5 other chores and tasks, after the dishes are washed and put away, and the pots and pans are scrubbed and clean. And oh my, where did the evening go? It’s 9:30 pm! Couldn’t I just phone them now? 9:30 pm really is fine as well. While the “proper” guideline is 9 pm, by which you cannot go wrong. However, with someone of the current age, phoning up until about 9:50 is pretty much fine. Think in terms of being off the phone before 10 pm. So to initiate a phone call at 9:45 pm or 9:50 pm is still good. Just know that if you phone after 9:30 pm, you might risk disturbing someone’s sleep who is an early riser. You run that risk with phone a little later at night.
If you phone after 10 pm, you border on being rude. After 10:30 pm is rude with a new person/stranger. Unless they told you in an email, “It’s ok to phone as late at 11 pm….” Otherwise, just refrain from calling that late until you have met, are better acquainted and know each other a bit.
Some of the Millenials and GenX folks who grew up with MySpace and have been Facebook friends with thousands since middle school, have been inculcated to have a very casual approach to their social life. This is both kinda great and kinda a problem. It’s great not to be restricted by too many formalities and to create connection and relationships with others in your peer group and beyond all around the world. I mean, that’s cool, right? However, sometimes when we are being very casual in our conversations with someone who is, yes, still, even though you “feel” you know them from the Social Networking and Online Dating site, a stranger. Asking very personal questions of a stranger when you first talk on the phone or first meet in person for a First Date, is rude. It also shows poorly on you that you have a weakness in conversational skills.
How Late Is Too Late to Text a New Contact You Met Online?
Much like the guidelines for phoning, so follows the guideline for sending text messages. However, the text message, you might be feeling, really isn’t the same as a phone call. You’re right. A text message you can ignore more readily than someone phoning you. However, something which not everyone thinks of is, many people use their cell phone (”mobile” if you’re in the UK or the EU) as their alarm clock. So, it is right by their head on the bedside table. And here you are thinking of something quick you just wanted to say to them and it is 11:45 pm, 12:30 am, 12:45 am… or later. And you send your text message over… And “buzz, buzz, buzz.” Their phone is vibrating or text message ringing next to them while they are sleeping. And it wakes them up.
Not only is that inadvertently rude. You just disturbed their sleep. They are now feeling at least irritated by you, and think you lack many of the social graces. And this is all before they have actually met you. Your anchor in their emotional nonconscious mind is with the irritation of being awoken in the middle of the night. Your anchor is: irritation. That is not what you want to trigger at the very beginning.
Cell Phone Text Spam
While I am on the topic of text messaging, many people collect wonderful inspirational quotes or favorite Bible verses. These are a wonderful thing to intersperse into your Tweetstream at Twitter or in your update box at Facebook or MySpace. However, do not start sending these out on a daily basis to your new Prospective Dates who have graciously given you their phone number. It’s spamming. They gave you their phone number to arrange to meet for a First Date. Use it only for that purpose. They are not your new best friend. Nor are they a subscriber to your personal newsletter. Let them choose to connect and follow you at the Social Networking sites only after you two have met and established a level of acquaintance after a few dates before you do.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
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